So...
This Sunday is Mother's Day. Bleh. I HATE Mother's Day with the firey passion of a thousand suns for many reasons. Aside from the obvious drama, I also have to deal with STEP-mother issues. Did you know that the ONLY person who gets me a Mother's Day gift each year is Andrei's mom? That should tell you something about my life. In fact, that's kind of a microcosm of my relationship with my step-son in general. 2 years ago Luis forgot, Andrei picked me a flower from my garden, and Jerly gave me a $50 bottle of perfume.
I can't remember last year. I think I blocked it out.
And here's another thing- do I stand up and take credit with the other moms at church? I'm NOT Andrei's mom. I mean, I cannot take credit for creating his life. I can't even take credit for dealing with the daily grind of parenting. BUT Andrei considers me to be his mom and I don't want him to feel
And here's another thing- do I stand up and take credit with the other moms at church? I'm NOT Andrei's mom. I mean, I cannot take credit for creating his life. I can't even take credit for dealing with the daily grind of parenting. BUT Andrei considers me to be his mom and I don't want him to feel
rejected by me if I don't stand up.
The thing is, I don't know if I even want to be remembered on Mother's Day. I don't like feeling left out of the festivities, but I don't want to receive condolence gifts, either. It's like getting the "Most Improved" Trophy at the soccer banquet when I was 6. Obviously I was the worst player on the team and that was the only prize they could give me, but it felt like a slap in the face... I could never figure out if it would have been better to not get a trophy at all.
The thing is, I don't know if I even want to be remembered on Mother's Day. I don't like feeling left out of the festivities, but I don't want to receive condolence gifts, either. It's like getting the "Most Improved" Trophy at the soccer banquet when I was 6. Obviously I was the worst player on the team and that was the only prize they could give me, but it felt like a slap in the face... I could never figure out if it would have been better to not get a trophy at all.
So many, many, many issues...
My dream Mother's Day would involve skipping church altogether, sleeping in, eating a delicious breakfast, and spending the rest of the day watching super hero movies or gardening.
Instead, this year I'm assigned to teach Relief Society. Yup. You read that right. On Mother's Day I am assigned to stand in front of a group of the MOST fertile women on the planet (who, by the way, mostly hate me) and talk to them about the importance of motherhood in a language which I am barely capable of speaking. I don't have a word to describe the feeling that gives me, but it's a combination of rage, humiliation, sadness, envy, loneliness, and fear.
How should I deal with this awkward and emotionally painful/traumatic situation?
Should I just put on my war paint and 4-inch stilettos and accept the "Most Improved Player" trophy with a smile? What are your thoughts?
P.S. I think the Saturday before Mother's Day should be "Infertility Day" so that ladies like me who want babies more than anything in the world but just can't have them could pamper themselves and get rad, sparkly gifts and make awesome dioramas of our life accomplishments so that when Mother's Day rolls around the next day we have lots of reminders why we should feel good about ourselves without any of the shame, self-loathing, and resentment that the holiday currently induces.
How should I deal with this awkward and emotionally painful/traumatic situation?
Should I just put on my war paint and 4-inch stilettos and accept the "Most Improved Player" trophy with a smile? What are your thoughts?
P.S. I think the Saturday before Mother's Day should be "Infertility Day" so that ladies like me who want babies more than anything in the world but just can't have them could pamper themselves and get rad, sparkly gifts and make awesome dioramas of our life accomplishments so that when Mother's Day rolls around the next day we have lots of reminders why we should feel good about ourselves without any of the shame, self-loathing, and resentment that the holiday currently induces.
4 comments:
I totally agree about the infertility day! Maybe we should have a day for "Celebrate being women" too. Mother's day is usually the worst day for me too. I hate it. I couldn't wait to celebrate it when I was wanting children and now that I have children I would love to have a day off. Guess what? Mom's don't get a day off. We have a beautiful dinner or lunch and guess who cleans it up?? ME that's who! If I get gifts (usually its something the teachers at school make them make) it is usually something I don't need and then I have added stress because I have to balance the check book again. So.... I think we should just get rid of Mother's day all together! Mothers or not it is just another day to depress women. I feel the same about annivesaries. My advice to you about your lesson is to make it as converstional as possible. Maybe bring up some topics like "mothers we admire" and let a few women share a few thoughts then move on to "mothers in the scriptures". Use a few quotes from your assigned lesson and end. You don't have to feel like anything personal has to be said.
Now, you won't probably hear what I am saying but, you are a mother. You are wonderful to Andrei. Do you think a woman that adopts a child stands up for mothers day gifts??? You have adopted him like other women have adopted their children. You are good at leading that child and loving him too!!
I love you and wish I could take your pain. I have felt a very small part of what you are going through and am sorry. Get through your lesson and sleep the rest of the day!!
LOVE YA!!
Yes! I want Infertility Day! But like Tiffani said, you are a mother to Andrei so stand up! And yeah, keep the lesson general and then come home and eat something really delicious. You know I feel your pain and I love you and admire you!
I think you have two options-keep in General like Tiffani said (she always has been so smart) or you can bring a different perspective to it than the usual "pastel and pearls warm fuzzy mommies are fabulous" presentation. Doesn't mean you need to talk about your personal life but you can shed some light on the fact that we need to remember this day applies to each sister very differently--and I second the motion that you are a mother to Andrei--just not in the traditional definition--but lets be honest you have also been a little non traditional :) love ya!
First of all, you are a mom and a good one at that. Second, I think it's great that you'll be teaching the lesson! Sometimes we get caught up in what's supposed to be "mainstream" that we forget not all our stories are the same. I appreciate seeing things from a perspective other than my own. I think it will be good for the ladies in your ward. I try to remember that it's not in the bearing of children that makes a mother but in the caring of children.
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