Acupuncture- why I'm doing it.

Sorry- kinda long, but I have to get this all off my chest. I won't get my feeling hurt if you don't read this one.
So as most of you guys know by now, I've been battling infertility for several years. It's no secret that I have PCOS and that I've had a hard time dealing with the side effects of this disorder- the most prominent of which is difficulty conceiving.
I've tried a lot of things in getting pregnant including but not limited to herbal therapies, Clomid/Provera, Natural Progesterone Cream, and even "relaxing" by quitting work and being a stay-at-home wife (which was like the dumbest idea ever- try trapping an overweight, hormonal, depressed, anxious woman at home all day long with no money and nothing to do except obsess over why she's overweight, hormonal, depressed, and broke and see what happens.... not very relaxing at all... more like Norman Bates crazy).
RANT WARNING: This would be a good time to note that you should NEVER ask a married, childless woman if/when she's planning on having kids because a)there's probably a reason she doesn't have kids b) it's probably a REALLY good reason, and c) she probably doesn't want to talk about that reason. This would also be a really good time to add that if you end up in a situation where a woman confides in you that she *wants* kids but for some reason cannot have them at the present time the ONLY acceptable response is to say that you are sorry, that you care about her, and that you are there for her if she ever needs anything. Offering advice of any sort isn't a very good idea. It just implies that she's doing something "wrong" when she most likely blames herself for her situation already. Also, relating stories of how your cousin's college roommate couldn't have kids until she adopted and then she "accidentally" got pregnant with a "miracle" baby is a bad idea, too. Adoption and all the issues related to that are the subject of another soapbox of mine. RANT OVER.
Anyway, after the huge ammount of time and money I wasted on Clomid 2 years ago, I kind of swore the stuff off. It turns me into a sick, fat, cranky, weepy, sweaty monster. Plus, after doing 6 rounds of the highest legal dose of the stuff I had literally NO response to it other than the previously mentioned side effects. Zip. Zilch. Nada. This is after I signed a waiver saying that I couldn't sue my physician for perscribing it if the Clomid happened to cause ovarian cancer or life-threatening cystic ruptures. My doctor told me that I could try injectibles, but they most likely wouldn't work, and that I should look into Invitro Fertilization.
It broke my heart so badly it's taken about 2 years to get over it. Here's my issue: there are SO many Utah moms getting pregnant in their late teens and early twenties who continue popping out babies, thus producing large families WITHOUT help that the insurance companies here really have no use for us defects who can't make babies on our own. They provide literally no coverage for most infertility-related services. I went in for a diagnostic ultrasound (that really should have counted as a cancer screening), and because they were checking my ovaries it got labeled "infertility" and I had to pay about $250 out of pocket for it. I can't AFFORD injectibles. They involve very expensive specialists, dozens of ultrasounds, expensive medication, and several office visits every month... It would cost thousands of dollars a month every month until I get pregnant or have to quit due to the dangerously high level of hormones in my body. Plus a nasty side effect is that all the synthetic hormones make you gain tons of weight (like in the 40-50 pound range), which is problematic because the more fat you have, the worse your PCOS symptoms get, and the harder it is to conceive...
and if I can't afford that I DEFINITELY can't afford In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).
IVF is not what you think it is. Let me tell you that right off the bat. Most people think that it's some outpatient procedure like that episode of "Friends" where Phoebe becomes a surrogate- that you just go to the doctor, get a shot, prop your feet up for an hour and voilá! Parents!
In Vitro is much more complicated. Basically they start by giving your body shots to completely shut off your hormone production. That's right. They force you into premature menopause. This lasts anywhere from 1-4 weeks. Then, when they're sure that you're not producing any hormones, they give you toxic doses of them to force your body into hyper-egg-production-mode. Then they harvest the egg which involves needles, catheters, and a lot of other stuff in places where you usually want to avoid needles, catheters and a lot of other stuff. THEN, they take a sample of the guy's stuff, wash it to make sure only the highest quality swimmers get put in the petri dish, mix it with the eggs, and cross their fingers that a few of the eggs will get fertilized. If you're lucky enough to have a few fertilized embryos you get to relive the harvesting process in reverse (more needles, catheters, etc.). Then it's just a simple matter of shooting you full of pregnancy hormones to trick your body into thinking it got pregnant on its own. You got that? Menopause, toxic high doses of hormones, imitation pregnancy within a 4-6 week time frame.
The whole process can last anywhere from 4-8 weeks each time around, cost anywhere from $10K-$50K, and... here's the kicker... it ONLY HAS A 2o something percent CHANCE OF SUCCESS!!!! That's right. One out of four women walk away empty handed after all is said and done.
Nuff said.
So before I can even consider the implications of jumping to that extreme I'm pursuing something else, which probably sounds a little crazy to most of you, but which (compared to the alternatives) I think is really promising.
Dealing with infertility and Western medicine, I've always been so depressed. It's such a grim prognosis- "We're sorry Mrs. Farias. You have PCOS. You'll probably develop male pattern baldness, grow a full beard, and never have kids. Oh, and you'll most likely die of cancer, diabetes, or heart disease way before your peers. If you can lose 50-100 pounds immediately you might dodge the bullet, but otherwise there's nothing we can do for you except put you on birth control to manage your cystic acne, which we must admit is looking kind of scary these days. Besides, you should be glad you don't have to worry about periods. Most of the women I talk to tell me they'd rather not have to worry about that mess. I'm so glad I'm a man! Sorry.*"
*This is me paraphrasing a few actual conversations I've had with doctors.
There's nothing Western medicine can do for PCOS except put you on birth control forever and ever in hopes that you might avoid uterine or endometrial cancer (although you'll probably get breast or ovarian cancer) and then pump you full of crazy shit when you want to get pregnant... (btw miscarriage rates for PCOS women are astronomically high, if you can manage to get pregnant in the first place- it's like 1 in 3). In the mean time, your hair falls out in clumps, you grow body hair in places only men are supposed to have it, your face looks like a pizza, and you gain about 5-10 pounds a year until you drop dead of a heart attack or cancer (PCOS also involves a drastically elevated risk of breast, ovarian, endometrial, uterine, pancreatic, colon, and cervical cancers).
I have never been comfortable with this "sorry, there's nothing we can do for you.... next?" mentality. The thing is, in Eastern medicine, hormonal imbalances are considered to be exactly that- imbalances. If you correct the imbalance, you correct the disorder and the patient is cured. Sound too good to be true? Maybe. But here's something to consider. In a study I recently read done by a highly respected acupuncturist/naturopath in Houston, she found that around 70%-80% of her patients conceived within 6 months of terminating their treatments (in many cases the patient stopped treatment only because they found they were pregnant). This includes those who combined Eastern medicine with traditional fertility treatments and those who went with acupuncture and herbs alone. And yes. This is just one study. Yes. There are a lot of holes in that conclusion that could be debated, etc. Yes. Many of these women ALSO took other measures to improve their chances of success. The thing is, the BEST chances you have at conceiving with IVF is around the 40% mark, IF you combine it with things like diet and lifestyle changes AND acupuncture. Still only half as good as the acupuncture statistics.
Besides, I WANT to be well. I want to feel whole and complete. I'm tired of feeling like I'm dysfunctional or broken. If there is ANYONE out there who thinks they can fix me, I'm willing to give it a shot. I was joking around with Luis the other day (only half joking, really) that if there was some study done that said if you traveled to Santoria, swam 10 miles in the ocean, then went back to shore, drank a liter of goat's blood, and then stood on your head for an hour and it had reputable scientific studies performed on it showing it had a 70-80% chance of correcting the imbalance that's causing my PCOS... I'd probably start saving up for a plane ticket to Greece.
Luckily, Traditional Chinese Medicine isn't that drastic. Just regular acupuncture, some diet and exercise modifications, and a bunch of stinky teas to drink. Not so bad, when you compare it to IVF. It's a little pricey, but not any worse than injectibles would be. Also, I REALLY like the idea that aside from the possibility of pregnancy, there is a chance for me to really improve my long-term health, avoid cancer and diabetes, and hopefully not die young. Really, that's all I really want- to be well.
Who knows. You be the judge. But as for me, I'm chosing to give it a chance. Who knows. Maybe it's all a lot of baloney. Maybe it's not. I really hope it's not...
I'll keep you all updated on the process.