So I'm pretty sure it's the massive amounts of artificial hormones I'm shooting up on a daily basis now, but over the past week I've become seriously baby-obsessed. I tried to explain it to Luis, since this is a uniquely female ailment I think. Sometimes it's even hard to explain this stuff to other women, but I think it's good, too. Being a woman is hard enough without isolating yourself in the deep end. The closest I can come is comparing it to being really, really thirsty after a long day working outside in the sun, then watching everyone around you run around with ice-cold Coca Cola. You may not even like Coca Cola, but if you get thirsty enough, and the Coca Cola is cold enough...
Yes. I think thirsty is the right word. I'm thirsty for a baby, not hungry. I'm thirsty for taking cat naps in the afternoon because I've been up all night nursing a fussy little one. I'm thirsty for holding a small, chubby, squirmy thing in my arms. I'm thirsty for feeling a baby move inside of me. I'm thirsty for new life.
Boys really don't understand this. Not even men. Not even my man, who is really not much more than a boy (he's killing zombies with my baby brother downstairs right now). That's okay, though. He doesn't need to. It's almost like it's a secret that I don't want to share it with him anyway. There will be enough time for that if I do get pregnant.
The shots do strange things to me. It's amazing how just a couple of weeks of meds can make me feel so much better and so much more alive. It's hard to describe but I actually *feel* more fertile. Again, if you have a fully functioning reproductive tract, thank the Lord for it right now. I really guarantee you take it for granted and won't appreciate it until it's gone...
I also have weird dreams. Crazy dreams about big bellies and babies and breasts. Seriously. Weird dreams. Sometimes I can't remember if they're dreams or if they are real. I was talking to hubby for 5 minutes yesterday about the obscenely big bosomed woman we saw in Walmart until we both realized I had dreamt it, and that I don't even really shop at Walmart much anymore. See? Crazy dreams.
I go in for my ultrasound Wednesday morning. They will tell me if the shots are working and if I'm growing any new follicles. Hopefully I am. If so, I will take another shot of HCG to "trigger" the little gals to pop. If there are too many follicles they won't let me because I could end up with my own reality show like The FABOULOUS FARIAS FIVE! or Quints Gone Wild! or something like that (my reality show would have an exclamation point in the title for sure). If there are no follicles, then I may be out of luck and maybe the shots don't work for me. So I'm crossing my fingers and praying for 3... it's my lucky number, you know.
Will you cross your fingers for me, too?
Update: I went in for the ultrasound and follicles are growing, just not fast enough and not big enough. They've ordered me to double up on my injections for the next 3 days and come in for another u/s on Saturday. Sigh. This is hard work for someone who's used to being able to bulldoze my way through most obstacles. No matter what I do, I cannot force those little gals to grow... doesn't mean I won't try, though.
5 comments:
Definitely crossing my fingers and saying prayers! I hope it's working!
xoxo
One minute you are coaxing follicles the next minute you just might be coaxing a newborn to come out of your uterus before your bladder explodes! and yes only women understand baby cravings/thirst etc
Maybe your ovaries are just surprised and confused. Give them some time. You did sneak attack them.
And men may not experience it the same way but they can definitely be baby thirsty. I see the look in B's eyes when he sees a newborn, especially if the daddy is holding/carrying it. Or when he's holding one, the way he sneaks a sniff of a baby's neck when he thinks no one is looking. Not the same yearnings but they are there.
I'd have to agree and disagree with you, Ems. I agree that my ovaries are sneak attacked. Since it's been possibly a decade since they've made any sort of follicles at all, they don't really know what's hit them. Trust me. I saw the ultrasound at my first appointment. No follicles there. Just a couple of tiny black pinpoints on a white canvas.
I'd have to disagree with you about men yearning for children, though. I think there are some, like Brent, who actually want to be fathers in advance, but I honestly believe the majority have no interest in parenting until they're holding their children. I think they just can't picture it. Doesn't mean they're bad fathers- just wired differently. I think Brent's the exception, not the rule.
As for the men feeling the hunger, I have seen both sides in my own husband. With these first three, he wasn't super into the whole thing until the baby was actually here and he could see her. But then, a couple months back, I sent him to Walmart and he was gone much longer than I thought he would be. When questioned about it, he finally, sheepishly, admitted to losing track of time because he was wandering through the baby clothes section looking at all the little tiny things. Kind of took me by surprise, I'll admit. But 1000% endearing at the same time.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your ovaries and those little follicles.
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