My new addiction...

When I was a kid, our sacred Saturday Night ritual was gathering everyone in our family of 9+ around a 15 inch television to watch Walker Texas Ranger and Xena Warrior Princess. I'm pretty sure that makes my neck some sort of shade of red, but that's cool with me. Imagine my delight when I stumbled upon the phenomena of Chuck Norris jokes that is taking the net and therefore world by storm. Some of my favorites include:

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lays Potato Chip.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble you win. Forever.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris did, in fact, build Rome in a day.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in less than two minutes.

Chuck Norris uses 8x10 sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a 10 dollar bill into 200 nickels.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius

Chuck Norris can hold his breath for 9 years.

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb and an adjective.