The Word of Wisdom and My Struggle with Infertility

I'm not a really churchy person (believe it or not). I used to be- back in the day I was Seminary Queen Bee, but not so much since I went to college. Ironically, my testimony suffered the most while I was attending BYU. Hmmm.
There are a few universal truths I believe in, though, and the gospel of Jesus Christ is one of them. Lately, I've been finding gospel truths show up in the most surprising places. Interestingly enough, I'm gaining a much stronger testimony of the Word of Wisdom these days since making my New Year's resolution to quit caffeine and sugar.
Believe it or not, I actually feel MORE energetic now that I'm off caffeine and sugar. I guess the constant highs and lows were wearing my body out a whole lot more than I realized. I've slipped up a couple of times and purchased a Coke or a Dr. Pepper. Today, I was feeling really run down, and I bought one, and I felt the worst after school that I have this entire month. The sugar thing, too, is making a much bigger difference than I realized.
I was reading D&C 89 the other day, looking for inspiration, and I realized that I've been really applying another portion of it to my life a lot lately, as well. Verses 10 and 11 talk about using herbs in their season, which is interesting because I've been using naturopathic remedies for the past year or so with some astonishing results.
For those of you who haven't heard much about my infertility journey, here's the long story. Beware, if you are sensitive to personal details this may not be for you.
When Luis and I first got married I was 2 weeks away from starting my student teaching. I went on birth control to ensure that I didn't get pregnant those first 18 weeks of marriage, because I figured being a newlywed, student teacher, and pregnant would be too much for even me to handle. I suffered from some serious physical side effects, though, including a 6 week long period, SERIOUS mood swings, and about 40 lbs. of weight gain... all in only 16 weeks. I was miserable and went off the pill as soon as I graduated. We had been married for 8 months, I had finished my degree, Luis was only a few months away from graduating, and I was ready to have a baby.
Things never really went back to normal, though, and I spent the first year of "not trying, but not NOT trying" struggling to lose the weight (I never did lose the last 15 pounds). After a year of literally nothing happening, I was declared medically "infertile," which, when your 23 years old, is a truly devastating thing to hear. My physicals and blood tests all came back normal, though, so my LPN basically told me that there was nothing wrong with me and if I just "relaxed" that it would happen. Also truly devastating things to hear when you are 23.
I did wait, and I did relax for another year. I took a temporary job and started reading up on infertility. The second year of "trying" was the worst. I did everything I was supposed to, including temping and charting every day for 6 months. At this point Luis had graduated, we had purchased our first house, and I was working part-time at Life Skills and caring for Andrei part time. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown at one point, struggling to cope with the injustice of how poorly Andrei's mother was caring for him and how seemingly apathetic Luis was about the whole situation. One time I tried to jump out of a moving car. My self esteem (and testimony) pretty much it rock bottom and I spent several months (most of 2005, actually) just living day-to-day. At the end of 2005 someone suggested to me that I get a dog so that I could take out my nurturing on something other than my out-of-control step-son and my husband, and having Bella really did help with that, but still it wasn't enough. On top of that, at this point I was pretty sure that all of my symptoms lead to PCOS, since I have basically all PCOS symptoms including male-pattern-baldness (shhhh...), adult acne, and the uncanny ability to locate my pancreas whenever I eat something sweet.
At this point I also had suffered from quite a few pregnancy scares when I had cysts burst. Did you know that a ruptured ovarian cyst feels like being stabbed in the back with a fiery knife, and that it produces the same quantity and type of hormone that an implanted embryo produces? I had backaches, vertigo, and morning sickness once for 3 weeks before 10 POAS pregnancy sticks convinced me it wasn't really happening.
The only problem with me and PCOS is that due to a court order requiring Luis and I provide full insurance coverage for Andrei, we have to buy the cheapest insurance out there; family insurance costs a lot more than couple's insurance. Ours does not cover infertility at all, and believe it or not, PCOS is considered a "fertility disorder," (I believe firmly it should be considered a "get cancer and die young" disorder). That means the meds and diagnostic tests used to treat it are all out-of-pocket. $350 for an ultrasound so that they can tell me what I already know? No THANKS!!
In 2006 I decided to go back to work full-time. Andrei was 4, his mom had a semi-permanent residence, and I decided sitting around home all day obsessing about the not-getting-pregnant thing was literally destroying my soul. I signed back on full time at Life Skills and within 2 months was promoted over 10 employees to a management position. That summer I got offered a job at Dixon teaching. I took it, desperate to leave behind all the sad memories from my time at Life Skills- a job I loved but that I had only taken "to keep me busy until I get pregnant and could stay at home."
I also took PSD insurance and finally got a doctor who would perscribe me Metformin (the supposed "miracle drug" for PCOS sufferers). I was also slated to start Clomid (the miracle fertility drug for barren 20-somethings). Rather than losing weight and balancing my body, Metformin messed up my blood sugar levels, gave me the runs on a daily basis, and I ended up gaining 15 pounds. When I started Clomid, I gained another 10, and spent a small fortune in Ovulation predictor kits and First Response Pregnancy tests. No dice.
Summer of '07 I finally ovulated (for the first time since May '02), but it ended in what I am pretty sure was an early term miscarriage. My perscriptions ran out in November '07. I was too heart broken to renew them. That month, we switched back to the cheap insurance.
I spent most of '08 just trying to move on with my life. I started a company. I got 3 church callings and an assignment. I got a full-time kid when Andrei moved in with us. I got a little sad when the 4 year anniversary of us "trying" rolled around in April. I got jealous when my little sister Emily with her full-coverage insurance got referred to a real Fertility Specialist and had a diagnostic laproscopy performed. I got excited when Bella had puppies. I got really excited when we bought our pretty new house. I got sad when Emily suffered the same crushing disappointment I suffered (she's much stronger than I am, btw).
In the past 5 years I have had over 20 nieces and nephews born (yup. No exaggeration). I have been promoted in 2 different jobs. I have finished half of my Master's Degree. I have bought two houses and gained and lost the same 20 pounds five times. I have learned Spanish. I have traveled thousands of miles on dozens of road-trips. I have spent hundreds of hours researching my medical condition. I have had one ultra-sound that revealed that I may not have cysts on my ovaries at all, by this point.
The one thing I have not done is find something that balances my hormones and allows me to feel well... until the past 6 weeks. I am SURE that my adherence to a stricter dietary regimine is allowing my body to heal for the first time, and that my more-relaxed life style isn't hurting much either. I am also sure that kicking a 10 year long addiction to caffeinated cola had made a huge difference. I'm also sure that the research I've done on natural remedies for my disease is starting to pay off as well. I've been taking a variety of natural supplements (nothing weird- just plants and bee pollen). I ovulated this month for the first time since the miscarriage in July '07 (the first time since May '02 without taking synthetic hormone blockers). It was totally unexpected and a complete surprise. Probably the best birthday present I've ever been given, as ridiculous as it sounds.
The funny thing is, though, that along the way, I think that I've realized that as much as I long for Earthly children, my testimony in the eternal nature of families that has grown throughout all of this has taken away the agonizing hunger for babies. I know that even if my body isn't perfect, Heavenly Father's plan for me is, and that some day I will be a mother, regardless. I've also realized that even though I don't have physical children, my role as a nurturer and care-taker of other's children (Andrei and my students), allows me the same opportunities (in some ways, on a much-larger scale). I've also gained a great appreciation for the value of good-health (when you wake up sick 6 days out of 7, you really cling to the 1 good day you have), and I've learned to respect and love my body for what it is capable of doing. I've also learned the importance of forgiveness- most importantly forgivng myself for my imperfections.
All in all, I'm happier now than I've ever been in my married life. I finally feel that I am at peace, and I feel like my testimony, despite the challenges it's faced, is stronger now than it was before. And regardless of whether my health continues to improve or decline or whatever(!), I'm so glad to be where I am at today. Baby or no baby, I think the journey has been worth it.
Joseph Smith may not have been a perfect man, but the Word of Wisdom is perfect as far as I'm concerned. If you haven't read it in a while, I encourage you to sit down and take another look at it.