Sing, Sing, Sing

I am a shy person. Like, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY shy. I can't even answer the phone if I don't know who it is and why they're calling. I blame it on a traumatic childhood and some unresolved fat-girl issues (that could be the subject of a whole other blog). The only exception to this is teaching, mostly because I've been doing it every day (including Sundays) for like 5 years now. After the first 2 months, I stopped puking before every lesson, and after the first year, the nervous sweating started to wear off. I think it's also because when I'm teaching, I'm in charge. I know more (or at least I have to assume I know more) about what I'm talking about than anyone else in the room. Not only that, I'm the absolute boss. But outside of my classroom doors, I'm am terrified to talk to people.
What does that have to do with music? Well, I love music. I am proficient in 2 instruments (violin and alto sax) and I know the basics of at least 2 more (flute, piano). I also sing, pretty well I might add (it's all genetics, I don't accept credit for it). The thing is, that despite my life's dream of being a professional musician, I am too scared to perform. In high school I maxed out on violin as 1st chair second violin. I should have tried out for like 5 solos in my choir Senior year, but was too scared. I tried out for the school talent show and choked during the audition and didn't make it. I tried out for Regional Orchestra and blacked out during the audition- to this day cannot remember a large portion of that evening. I played in the Klein School District's Solo and Ensemble contest and came in with gold and silver rankings a few times, but only in ensembles. I only ever performed one violin solo, and again, blacked out. Can't remember it. I came out with a II... just barely good enough for me to letter my Junior year.
After high school I totally dropped music. Part of that was because of a MAJOR trauma I suffered at 17, which pretty much killed music for me for years. Mostly it's because the un-auditioned choir and orchestra at BYU were such a joke compared to KHS's Chamber orchestra and top choir that it was worse than not playing/singing at all. We were doing stuff that I could have done in middle school. However, all the other performance groups were audition only and I was too scared to try out. I REALLY wanted to take advantage of the bounteous and affordable private lessons (since I've never had any for singing or violin save the charitable contributions of April Fillmore my Junior year of H.S.). It seemed kind of stuck up, though. I mean, who am I to assume I have a talent, right?
This sucks for me, because pretty much the only things I like doing are singing and painting- both of which require a great deal of outside critique and coaching to do seriously.
I would like to sing with Luis, who has the MOST gorgeous baritone voice I've heard in a long time. It sounds like liquid brass- like church bells ringing when he sings. He's weird about music, though. His mom treats him like a trained monkey and has been forcing him to sing on command for years. I think he doesn't like it because it feels like a chore for him. So that leaves me on my own. Basically I've been getting my music fix the past 10 years by sitting in the back row in church singing the heck out the hymns, which is about the most cowardly thing I can think of to do.
About a year ago I was approached by the choir director for our branch who asked me very nicely to please sing with them. Apparently she heard me belting out some tunes from the back row of church and thought I'd make a valuable addition to their group. The thing is, I've never even auditioned for a Stake Choir since I left home at 17. So I made up some excuse about being busy on Sundays and left it at that.
This summer I got an official assignment from the Branch President to sing in the choir (news spreads fast in a small branch, even if it's not newsworthy at all). So I bit the bullet and started going to choir practice. Well, long story short, my goal for this year is to try and do some solos or group numbers and finally get over my debilitating stage fright. I was asked to do a solo for Y.W.'s in November, and a group number for the Christmas program in our branch with Luis and another couple. Last week I sang a solo in Sacrament. I guess it went well because they just called me to invite me to do a Solo at the Stake Women's Conference on the 21st. Sigh. I really want to do this- start singing seriously again- but I'm so scared to get up in front of a group that I agonize over it for days and weeks. My dream is to some day sing with the Tabernacle Choir, but who knows if I'll ever get to that level of performance. Maybe. Maybe.
So here's my question for you- what do you all do when you feel like you need to do something that scares you? AND what can I sing for a conference that is based on D&C 25?