One Year Ago

I've been really struggling with depression lately. Partly it's because we're FINALLY weaning. Partly the change of seasons. Partly, the drama of having an IVF twin pregnancy that ended in 23/24 week preemies is winding down and now I'm left trying to make sense out of everything. I've been trying to work on perspective. Not getting frustrated with the details left undone and instead, focusing on what's been accomplished. So here's what I'm thinking today.

One Year Ago, 

I was: Suffering from severe PTSD, teaching 8th Grade English in my 8th year at DMS, styling my skinny jeans, losing all my hair, crocheting all day and night, eating breakfast lunch and dinner at the hospital cafeteria, pumping, pumping, pumping, focusing on breathing.

Luis was: acting as mom and dad to Andrei, holding my hand, watching a lot of You Tube videos, building a website, doing EVERYTHING at home, trying to find a way to be happy, sleeping a lot.

Andrei was: bleaching his hair, starting 6th grade/ Middle School, adjusting to the idea of no longer being an only child, struggling with the concept that I was never, EVER home.

Rosie was: having laser surgery on her eyes, developing pulmonary hypertension, bouncing back and forth between the ventilator and the CPAP, moving to an open crib, gaining a lot of weight, quickly, sleeping like 20 hours a day, focusing on breathing.

Now,

I am:  still suffering from PTSD but coping better, teaching 10th-12th grade in my first year at MVHS, back in my maternity jeans (but not bald anymore! woo!), doing OT and PT all day and all night, wondering if I'm going to have time to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, weaning, gardening again, focusing on staying calm.

Luis is: enjoying the new found freedom of having a portable daughter and a wife that can occasionally go places with him, managing online banking at his credit union, helping me get the landscaping put back together, reinstating "Boys Night" with his friends, sleeping a lot less, playing a lot more.

Andrei is: playing drums in band class, realizing that 7th grade means becoming a teenager (and stressing a little over the process), going to YOUNG MEN's classes and activities (and loving it), trying to convince his mom to let him play football, LOVING having a little sister, LOVING having me back at home.

Rosie is: trying so so so hard to crawl and walk, learning to scribble, learning how to open/shut, pick up/drop, feed herself, talk, wave, clap, kiss, and sing, growing teeth like all the time, focusing on staying calm.

I had a lot more I wanted to say, but there were a lot of boogers yesterday and then some coughing last night and my mom brain can't focus on anything besides that. Blogging helps. I it. It's been a wild year.