Where are all the Grownups?

One of my favorite political satires ever is a bit SNL did for the 2000 election about then Governor G.W. Bush and his opponent Al Gore. Now I voted for Bush, so please don't take this as criticism of him or anything, I just thought the satire was HILARIOUS!!! The closing line is the title of my post, and it's kind of how I've been feeling lately with Hector leaving for Mexico and Emily announcing that she's leaving for England, and with Ana moving out. Sometimes I just want to run into a corner and hide, too. I'm really glad for everyone, but I think I just resent being trapped in a place that I never wanted to be in the first place. So without further ado, here's "Palm Beach."


Announcer: When life is uncertain, and results are unclear.. then you must be in Palm Beach..

[ cue title graphic, dissolve to George W, Al, Katherine Harris, Jeb, and Florida Supreme Court, dissolve back to title graphic over image of George W. laughing behind Al's back ]

[ open on Katherine Harris fixing herself a drink ]

Katherine Harris: Well, Jeb, with the Supreme Court's ruling to stop the recount, Al Gore is finally finished. It's everything I've worked for.

Jeb Bush: And what about us, Katherine?

Katherine Harris: Us? [ laughs ] You silly boy! There never was any "us". What happened in the skybox at the Dolphins game was.. just a fling. I'm gonna be an ambassador! Do you think I'd jeopardize my career for some beurocrat named "Jeb"? Ha!

Jeb Bush: It meant more to us than that. [ kisses Katherine ]

Katherine Harris: Stop, you'll ruin my makeup.

Jeb Bush: Damn you, Katherine! Why.. I have half a mind to give your job back to Nikki Cox.

Katherine Harris: So go ahead. [ pause ] I didn't think so. Always the conservative, aren't you, Jeb?

George W. Bush: [ stumbles into the room ] Hey, hey, it's me, hey.. Uh, Jeb.. the computer's doing that thing again. Can you fix it for me, so I can finish my game of Tetris?

Jeb Bush: Of course, Georgie. [ to Katherine ] Even presidents need their computers. [ exits room ]

George W. Bush: Hey, Katherine. I've been thinking about my cabinet. Who do you think would make a better Secretary of the Interior - Nolan Ryan or The Rock?

Katherine Harris: [ sits him down on the couch ] You're thinking too hard, George. [ massages his shoulders ] You look.. tense.

George W. Bush: Heck, I just can't wait 'til all this President junk is over next week.. so I can go back to hunting and executing.

Katherine Harris: Next week? You know you have to President for four years.

George W. Bush: [ angry ] What?! [ stands ] That blows! I'm gonna kill Dick Cheney! He told me it was like winning a fishing contest - you win a trophy, you take your picture, and you're done!

Katherine Harris: Don't worry - it'll go by fast, with me by yuor side.

Katherine Harris' Thoughts: You've got him right where you want him, Katherine. [ laughs ]

George W. Bush's Thoughts: The Rock is stronger. But Nolan Ryan's wise. Presidenting is hard!

[ Katherine and George W. lean in for a kiss, but are interrupted by the arrival of Al Gore ]

Al Gore: Hello, George W.! Hello, Katherine!

Katherine Harris: Al! I thought you were dead.

Al Gore: I'm Al Gore. I just appear to be that way.

George W. Bush: [ angry ] Hey, Al! I saw you on TV today! You interrupted the "Rugrats"!

Al Gore: That's right, George W. I was accusing you of circumventing the Democratic process in the name of personal ambition.

George W. Bush: [ laughs ] You said "circumventing"!

Al Gore: [ pours himself a drink ] Ms. Harris, isn't it inappropriate for you to be here?

Katherine Harris: Guess what, Al? I'm always gonna be here. Everywhere you turn, this face will be staring at you! [ smiles wickedly ] I'm gonna crush you!

Al Gore: Damn you, Woman! Not in front of the boy!

George W. Bush: [ sobbing ] Why are you yelling?! Be friends!

Katherine Harris: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm meeting Justice Scalia for cocktails at the Viscayne Club. [ exits ]

Al Gore: [ sighs, and walks towards George W. ] She's a real piece of work.

George W. Bush: Yeah. She's a "circumvent"! [ laughs ] Right?

Jeb Bush: [ re-enters ] Hey, guys. Dick Cheney just had another heart attack..

George W. Bush: [ panics ] No-o-o! He promised he wouldn't! First, Poppy with the hip replacement, now this! Where are all the grown-ups? [ runs into the corner and cries ]